ON THE MEND

Photo taken by yours truly @ Tegel Airport, Berlin, Germany - March 2018 How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.  You know how they say that everyone enters your life for a reason? I wholeheartedly believe that to be true. I have met some of the most amazing people these past couple of months who will have a lasting impact on my life. Time is going rather fast. Even though I didn't know you for very long, I realised that you are a wonderful person and will forever be thankful that you somehow made your way into my life. I have no doubt in my mind that you'll be doing great there. But if you aren't somedays, I want you to remember that I am just a FaceTime or a flight away. I want you to remember that when you are low or lonely, you have friends on the other side of the world cheering for you and believing in you. I want you to breathe and take in the strangeness, the beauty and experience it...

Photo taken during my trip to Labuan Bajo, Indonesia - December 2016 Last week I had the worst run of depressive episodes. It was certainly the worst I can remember. It has been one hell of an emotional rollercoaster. Sometimes I'm pretty good, sometimes I am like utter shit but generally I'm bouncing around in the middle. Just below the middle, perhaps. It was extraordinary and freakish one that I do not want to repeat. I've had this long enough though to know that no mood lasts forever. This too shall pass. I just have to ride it out. For me, talking, running, exercising, meditating, none of that stuff works when I'm in it. It's a disease of isolation and I need to hide. When I am in it, I just need to side it out and know that I will reappear on the other side at some point.  It's weird, when you can feel an episode coming on, because there's nothing you can do but brace yourself and wait. You have no control over it, just keep on taking the me...

Photo taken during my trip to Waterfall Kanto Lampo, Bali Indonesia - September 2017 I lost the life I once knew, but in the process recreating a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my solid support system, comprised of my astoundingly loving family, good friends who has held my hand through some of the messiest parts of my recovery. I'm still seeing a therapist twice a month where there is plenty that we are working on and I have regular check-ups with my doctor to make sure my medications are working for me.   Tossing and turning all night long. A feeling known so well to me. Anxiety runs all day and I'm up at night. A horrific cycle seen day after day. Those like me, know how frustrating it is to have anxiety during the day and then have insomnia anxiety throughout the night. Racing thoughts throughout the night.  Nothing works. Tried puzzles, funny videos, news, anything to get my mind off the anxiety. Every little things triggered my anxi...