Reconnecting with Allah swt

Photo taken by yours truly @Selong Belanak Beach, Lombok Indonesia - April 2017

My heart was so heavy this morning. My sorrow is so great. Ya Allah, I am thankful that you are all powerful, that I do not have to hold it all together or be strong for everyone in my life. You are my strength. You are strong for my loved ones when I can't be. I am thankful you are all knowing that you know the outcomes to this misery am facing. That I don't have to figure out what the next day, week or month or year looks like, because you have it all held together. And you promise my feet won't slip. Help me ya Allah, strengthen me for today. Give me daily strength, that I can be sustained through this heartache. Thank you Allah that you are close when I am hurting. Thank you Allah for comfort, grace and joy that only you can give. Hold me up today. Amin

Those were my du'a...

We need to understand that Allah swt has told us we will be tested, that these tests are for a reason, and that there will be relief InsyaAllah (God willing). When we are worried thinking about the future, we need to work hard but have full trust in Allah that He will not leave us, and we must always think well of Allah because that is what we will find. Yet, in certain circumstances we just feel... broken. 

Someone close to me said this recently; sometimes when we get this broken feeling, shaytan (satan) tells us not to go to Allah because we are being hypocritical by only going to Allah when we are down. Yet, this is untrue. Allah swt has named Himself Al-Jabbar, The One Who Comforts and Heals.

We just have to always remind ourselves of this blessed name Al-Jabbar; Allah will mend our broken heart. It may be through a kind word from someone that brightens our day or it may just be a normal morning run. It may even be something greater. But call on Allah like our Prophet did, recognising this attribute, and know that He will manifest this Name in our heart. 

With whatever have happened recently, I've learned to get to know myself better. I've learned to reflect, and most importantly I've learned that life works this way; Allah swt knows what we're going through, Allah knows what is waiting for us in the future but yet He still gives a chance to make decisions and to decide. 

He hears every broken words that we whisper, sees every silent tears that we shed. Even in our mindless state of grief, know that He's watching over us and have tawakkul (trust) that relief is only a hair's breadth away. So breathe through the pain and hold on to Al-Jabbar.

Always make du'a to Allah to ease our hardship and pain. When Allah swt gives us trials, it means that He loves us and take this opportunity to get to know Allah and repent. If we're at the wrong way, repent to Allah. He truly knows the secrets of all hearts. Healing may not come quickly, but it will come. Remember with hardships there's ease. Not after hardships there's ease. We just couldn't see it (I couldn't see it, yet). But I always believe Allah's love and mercy comes in different ways. 

I pray that I will find comfort in prayer, strength in friends and family, that I never lose hope in Allah swt and in general human kindness and that even though nights can be the worst and feel so freaking long, the sun will come up again and the heavy darkness on my chest will go away and I will smile and laugh again, InsyaAllah.