This too Shall Pass; Journey to Recovery

Photo taken by yours truly @Medina, Saudi Arabia - March 2019

He will make a way out for you when you least expect it. A way out of your hurt, your pain, your difficult. Whatever it may be, He has control over all things. Remember Him and He will remember you

Ya Allah, there will be better days, I know there will. You've promised it. And I see it in your creation. I see it in the beautiful flowers that bloom when everything was once brown. I see it in the tide when it rises and falls. I see it after the storm and the rain ceases and calm. I see it all around me without even needing to ask. Sometimes it is so difficult to imagine and see any good around but when I take a moment to reflect, to allow my emotions to calm and to think of You, there is nothing but hope. 

There is nothing but happiness and joy knowing that You are in full control. There is nothing but comfort knowing that when everything seems destined for failure that You are the one that has written my destiny. That you are the most kind, generous, loving and wise. I can sleep soundly because everything is in perfect synch, and all I need to do is to take moment and look around me. To look at the perfection that you have created and remember that you are perfect and that you didn't create anything except that it has a purpose. That every hardship, every trial, every tribulation and misstep is all a part of the completion of something greater than myself. So I know there will be better days ahead.

Allah has a beautiful way of showing us how to stay patient. He will test us with things we never thought we could survive, but somehow we do. This is the beauty of our religion, this is the beauty Allah swt has bestowed upon us. This is how beautiful our religion is; forgiveness, sab'r and pure faith in Allah swt.

It hurts right now but one day your pain will be the lesson that taught you about faith. You've been waiting to see the result of your prayers. It's been a while, I know. Sometimes it's just more important for you to learn to have patience instead. This will continue for as long as you are able to bear and gradually, after you're relived from hardship, you'll find your smile whilst realising the beauty of the wisdom behind everything that happened 

I need you to know that it gets better.

I need you to know that the way you flay your heart open for the world is brave, that the way in which you refuse to be anything but soft, even when you feel like you may just break under the weight of feeling, is why you are needed here. I need you to know that beautiful things are vanishing each day, I am proud of you for fighting to ensure that your soul is not one of them. You need to keep fighting.

I need you to know that you will find the place that leave every tender part of you feeling calm and at peace with who you are. You will find the places that inspire everything inside of you to surge and ache with the hope and the beauty of being alive. These places, they are not where you were born, but they will be where you are reborn. You will know when you have found them. My god, will you know.

I need you to know that there are others like you in this world, others who are messy hearted, others who feel things intensely, and without hesitation, others who cannot contain all that they hold within the world of their mind because they have only ever known how to pour, and they will become your family; you will take care of each other. You will grow together.

But most of all, I need you to know that we are all here, together, dealing with what is dark and light within us. I need you to know that you aren't alone. i need you to know that you are going to survive this. I need you to know that one day, you're going to be sitting in a place you love, surrounded by people who inspire you, and you're going to think back to the storms, and the hurricanes that rattled through your bones, and you are going to smile. The clarity will wash over you. You will be free. You will. 

Allah knows your struggles. He knows your heart is hearting and you feel like there is no way out. He is indeed the All Knowing. Everything will be better soon, your heart will ache less and your soul will taste contentment and happiness. Keep faith in Allah set and tell yourself that everything happens for a reason. What is meant to be, will be. Seek for guidance in Allah and remind yourself that nothing happens without the will and power of Allah. May your patience and pain be rewarded with blessed and happiness

Ya Allah, I'm never alone am I? You've never left me stranded. I was reflecting on the reality of so many people. Individuals that are carrying burdens that I cannot even imagine. Individuals that feel as though no one is around and or even willing to help them. People who wish they could reach out and receive a hug, a shoulder to lean on, a hand to hold. We may grieve at times. We may feel alone. We may feel as though the world is at times against us. But one thing for sure, You are always with us. 

Ya Allah, this heart is troubled and aching. Mend it for the pain is now overwhelming. Fill it with love for it feels deprived. Heal it. Heal it

Have you sought forgiveness? Your heart is heavy, it's bleeding and you feel so lost. You're breathing but you can't find meaning. Have you sought forgiveness from Allah? There is a darkness that shadowing your heart and it is eating you alive. You want to cry but you can't find the tears. You need Allah's help but you feel unworthy of it. Have you sought forgiveness? You're screaming on the inside, exploding and on the brink of the breakdown although the outside seems fine. You want to run away, some where far from your responsibilities and your life. Have you sought your forgiveness? There is a pain in your heart, one that makes no sense but keep increasing by the day, by the hour, by the minute. Your heart is craving to be near Allah. Don't runaway from Him. For it is with Him and only Him that you will find peace and comfort. You need Him. He is enough for you.

Sometimes, you have to just forgive yourself for all the pain and move on with your life. Forgiveness is key, forgive yourself for all the hurt and pain you allowed yourself to feel and experience. It is lesson you desperately needed to learn at the time. Do not forget that you were created by Allah swt, every struggle, pain and hardship will indeed be followed by a blessing. You need to forgive yourself and let go for the sake of your sanity and well-being. You deserve better.

It's so hard to resist holding on, to let go of the past and how we envisioned our future. It's challenging to trust that life is synchronistic and it will work out just as it should. It's such an idealist view of life isn't it? And yet when we're not in the thick of emotions, this concept is easy to understand and accept. It's easy when loves is flowing and life is making it rain bliss. It's when the storm hit and people feed us this advise that we think "thanks, for the tip bud. now piss off I'm sad" right?

But the truth is life is always going to hand us shit. Breakups, deaths, illness, job losses, whatever the low - they are a reality of being human. Our mortality is real. And yet despite the valuable time of each moment that ticks by we hold on to pain rather than feeling it. Why do we do that? The pain is familiar, it reminds us of a certainty we once had. If we had to let go, we enter the space of the unknown.

If you feel that someone has put you in a situation that you don't deserve, you must do what they don't deserve - forgive them. Always choose to forgive people. If they choose to hurt you, you should choose to forgive them. If they come to break you, you must walk away to keep yourself safe. For some, you would be a coward but for yourself, you will end up as a strong person because real strength lies in forgiveness. Let them make mistake for themselves and you should fix it for yourself. Your decision define you and their actions reflect them.

Forgive them. It's not okay that they hurt you, tortured your soul and disturbed the peace of your mind, but you must forgive them. I'm not saying this because I don't care, I'm asking you to do it because you know, at some point in your life, they meant something to you. I know it hurts. You must walk away and pray for them. Holding on to the grudge or punishing them won't make any difference to their lives; but forgiving them will change your world upside down. Forgive them. Forgive all of them.

Sometimes the biggest gift you can give yourself is the gift of forgiveness. I know it's difficult to look at the person who broke you and tell them "I forgive you for the pain you caused me" and often, we think that in forgiving other people we're letting them get away with what they did to us. But this isn't true. Forgive others, because you are ready to take the next step in your life. Forgive, because your bones are heavy with the darkness they left you in and you no longer want to move forward with it. Forgive, because you're finally ready to let the light spil into the cracks of your heart. I know that forgiveness can make them feel less guilty, as though they no longer need to be sorry for what they did to you. But their journey is nothing to do with you anymore, and whether your forgiveness allows them to be happy or indifferent - it shouldn't bother you. Forgive, but only for yourself. Forgive, because that is what you want to do, and don't think about anyone or anything while you're doing it.

What has happened, has happened and nothing can ever change that. And though the pain you are feeling is heavy burden, it is not one you carry willingly can simply 'put down' when you are too tired to go on. It is within you, it is part of you and it has changed you permanently. Someday we'll actually be okay. Someday, you and I will be okay.  And everything will be okay. It's just a matter of getting there. And I know that's always the hardest; the healing. But we'll get there. It's just a matter of faith. It's just a matter of time. We'll make it, InsyaAllah.