Our Wounds May Not Be Our Fault, But Healing is Our Responsibility

Photo taken by yours truly @Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque, Abu Dhabi - October 2019

Ya Allah, last night was horrible. I sat in my dark room with so much pain in my heart. I laid in sujood crying and begging for your guidance and support. I believe you have your reason/ purpose for this pain, for this struggles

What happened to you was not fair. It was not something you asked for, it was not something you deserved. We are all traumatised by life, some of us from egregious wrongdoings, others by unprocessed pain and sidelined emotions. No matter what source, we are all handed a play of cards, and sometimes, they are not a winning hand. Yet what we cannot forget is that even when we are not at fault, healing in the aftermath will always fall on us and instead of being burdened by this, we can actually learn to see it as a rare gift.

Lately, I find that most of my thoughts and energy are consumed with the voice of unworthiness. I live in fear that I'm not good enough and it's only a matter of time before the people around me find out I'm a fraud. I have nothing to offer and soon enough my mountain of mistakes will tower overhead, leaving me alone and broken. And I also remember feeling this sadness in my heart for a very long time. I've lost a lot of people in my life, I've had to drag myself back up every time I have experienced sorrow and hardships. I've learned a lot these last couple of years. 

Pain is inevitable throughout life although to carry it unnecessarily fuels sufferings. Even though our wounds are not our fault, our healing remains within our control. Healing is difficult and yet liberating journey of self-discovery. Forgiveness teaches us self-resiliency and self-reliance. It awakens us to a greater love and peace that resides within us. Do not resist the pain. Allow it to be there. Surrender to the grief, despair, fear, loneliness, or whatever form the suffering takes. Witness it without labelling it mentally. Embrace it. 

Beyond our pain lies an ever expensive love which at its essence is our true nature. Even though our wounds may not be our fault, our healing remains our responsibility. To heal means to accept what happened to us and discover our true selves through the healing process. Let me be very clear, acceptance does not mean we like what took place. It simply means to acknowledge the events and work towards healing ourselves of the pain associated with it.

When you're wounded, especially by significant people in your life, your empowerment is challenged, and your worthiness is called into question. The vulnerability your loss of empowerment creates within you allows the wounds to damage your worthiness

Healing is our responsibility because if it isn't, an unfair circumstance becomes an unloved life. Healing is our responsibility because unprocessed pain gets transferred to everyone else around us, and we are not going to allow what someone else did to us to become what we do to those we love. Healing is our responsibility because we have this one life, this single shot to do something important. Healing is our responsibility because if we want our lives to be different, sitting and waiting for someone else to make them so will not actually change them. It will only make us dependent and bitter. Healing is our responsibility because we have the power to heal ourselves, even if we have previously been led to believe we don't. Healing is our responsibility because we are uncomfortable, and discomfort almost always signal a place in life in which we are slated to rise up and transform.

Healing is our responsibility because every great person you deeply admire began with every odd against them, and learned their inner power was no match for the worst of what life could offer. Healing is our responsibility because "healing" is actually not returning to how and who we were before, it is becoming someone we have never been, someone stronger, someone wiser, someone kinder.

Last year I fell apart, and now in the process of building myself back up.  I learned that you are allowed to leave some pieces behind. You are allowed to become the new person you design yourself to be

When we heal, we step into the people we have always wanted to be. We are not only able to metabolise the pain, we are able to affect real change in our lives, in our families, and in our communities. We are able to pursue our dreams more freely. We are able to handle whatever life throws at us, because we are self-efficient and assured. We are more willing to dare, risk and dream of broader horizons, ones we never thought we'd reach.

The thing is that when someone else does something wrong and it affects us, we often sit around waiting for them to take the pain away, as though they could come along and undo what has been done. We fail to realise that in that hurt are the most important lessons of our lives, the fertile breeding ground upon which we can start to build everything we really want. 

Well, let's be realistic. We are not meant to get through life unscathed. We are not meant to get to the finish line unscarred, clean and bored. Life hurts us all in different ways, but it is how we respond and who we become that determines whether a trauma becomes a tragedy, or the beginning of the story of how the victim became the hero. 

Ya Allah, I ask that you protect my heart from becoming bitter, cold and disappointed. Replace my fears and hesitation with optimism and hope that someday I will become whole again